1. The Magnificent: Name someone you absolutely adore, and tell us why.

Lady Rose …. for taking me to Womongathering this coming June.  Only 86 days to go!!  Only she would not only KNOW to do this for me but would actually DO it.  Only she, out of all the friends I’ve had in my entire life, loves me enough.  I am so freaking lucky I cannot even tell you.

2. The Muddy: Tell us something about life you just don’t “get”.

Political correctness run amok. Today I had to pick up Miss Angst from school for a Doctor appointment and a seemingly nice young man was standing outside with his bagpipe hoping to play for the kids as they left the building. The principal turned him away because it might offend someone.

Ummm …. I would understand this if he was intending to play Christian hymns instead of simple Celtic airs … but since when is a bagpiper on St. Patty’s day worthy of offense? I wasn’t offended …. and I don’t even like St. Patrick or his day with the whole casting the snakes (read indiginous Pagan folk) out of Ireland story and all.

3. The Magnetic: Name something or someone good (or bad) you’re drawn to and you just can’t help it. Tell us if you want to change this or not.

This time of year I am drawn to chocolate. Really really decadant chocolate. I dream wistfully of the chocolate I used to get as a kid on Staten Island that came from one of those ”been there forever” shops. I can still taste its creamy goodness, the way it would melt on my tongue and linger happily. Of course there was always the guilt that came from breaking off the first piece as it usually came in the form of a Chocolate Cross.

Is it me or is there something wrong with that …. eating a replica of the cross Christ was crucified on? Even now as a Pagan I find that somewhat offensive.

4. The Mainstay: Who or what is something you just can’t live without? Why?

My kids! They are no more or less than the reason I keep putting one foot in front of the other. Without them I would’ve thrown in the towel a long time ago.

5. The Masquerade: Tell us something about yourself we wouldn’t already know.

I have a lazy eye. It acts up most when I am over-tired, sick, or medicated. Miss Angst only recently noticed it and it completely grossed her out.

6. The Mettle: Tell us about a time you showed courage in yourself, or tell us what you wish you had the courage to do.

Years and years ago, the summer I turned 16, I had a falling out with one of my best friends. At one point she was at my house and we were arguing. I do not remember over what …. only that the peak of the fight came when she spat out the words “Your own mother didn’t want you” (a referance to my being adopted). For the first and only time in my life I slapped another person across the face. I then literally dragged her to my front door and made her leave.

I am not particularly proud of this snapshot in my past. However, it was one of the bravest things I had ever done. It was the first time I ever stood up for myself in the face of verbal or physical abuse. For me it was huge as my grammar school existance could’ve been an after-school special on the Bullying.

Let’s see … today is day #78 in a row at work.  I am only working from 8-2 today and am taking the girls in for well-visits, and I am assuming immunization updates for Miss Angst.  I also need to ask the Doctor about Miss Angst’s breast development as she is far (far far far) beyond what is average for a 7th grader.  Large enough that I am wondering if we have moved beyond the range of being “well endowed” and into instead some kind of “disorder.”  Obviously I will keep you posted.

What went on the rest of last week?

We took the girls to the Mall on Friday night to spend some gift card money that had accumulated.  Most of them were “mine”, received for bdays and Xmas and never spent, the rest were the girls’.  We hit JCPenneys and Old Navy, both girls got a couple of pieces of new clothing. I looked in Limited Too but didn’t find anything that I felt was worth their high prices.  We also hit Lane Bryant where Miss Angst got new bras that she needed desperately ….. thank you Lane Bryant for having her size!!!   I even picked up a couple of items for myself including new bras which I needed since my old ones were too big since I lost over 30 lbs since I purchased them.

The biggest surprise was getting Princess Nibble’s ears re-pierced (all of $16).  She had had them pierced a couple of years ago and wound up getting a slight tear in one ear.  So we simply allowed them to heal over.  As my plan was to spend as little as possible over and above the value of the gift cards, we stuck to our guns though and did not eat out and instead fed the girls food from the fridge upon our arrival home.

Saturday was full of many tasks:

• I went food shopping directly after work
• I did a smallish version of my once-a-week cooking
• I made 2 roast beefs, 5 lbs. of smashed taters, a HUGE baked “ziti”
• I bought the girls outfits for Easter, including new sandals (an annual tradition)
• I bought the girls new sneakers (needed desperately) for their Easter baskets
• We dyed eggs
• We ate pizza
• I rested - amazing huh?

I hit my 10th review for the month of March over at Epinions Thursday night which, including my bonus for writing reviews rated “very helpful” means I’ve earned a guaranteed $20 this month.  Considering that without being paid for the actual writing of the reviews my monthly earnings (on over 350 total articles) is only about $1-1.50 a month I will be happy to actually be able to request a check.  I would like to try for another 10, but I have other tasks that need my attention so I will probably hold off on any more reviews until next month.

If you’d like to check them out:

Apples and How They Grow (children’s book)
The Biggest Snowman Ever (children’s book)
The Pizza That We Made (children’s book)
Itchy, Itchy Chicken Pox (children’s book)
God / Goddess: Exploring and Celebrating the Two Sides of Wiccan Deity (Pagan text)
A Witch’s 10 Commandments: Magickal Guidelines for Everyday Life (Pagan text)
The Goodly Spellbook: Olde Spells for Modern Problems (Pagan text)
Organix Coconut Milk Split Ends Mender (Health & Beauty product)
Organix Vanilla Silk Blow Dry Cream (Health & Beauty product)
Gold Bond Maximum Strength Foot Spray, Triple Action Relief (Health & Beauty product)

Other than that I am holding on, more or less, to my health and my sanity.  I am holding on to the promise of Womongathering in June with Lady Rose.  My plan is to go armed with notebooks, a pen, and my digital camera.  I plan to drift, and trance, and worship, and pray.  I plan to journey into myself and find myself again.

I hope to be able to use it to find the part of myself that I locked away so long ago.  I hope to use the weekend to renew my soul and reclaim my inner Witch and Priestess.  I hope to come home able to hold on to the changes and to start life anew. 

Womongathering takes place the weekend following my 39th birthday.  It is fitting that I use it as a jumping off point to start my 40th year of life on the right foot. 

Blessings

Mama Kelly

I am grateful for the moments in my life where I manage to rise up above the waters of hopelessness and despair and gasp a breath of clean fresh air.

Yes the waters soon close back up over me …. but those moments give me a slimpse of what is possible.

I believe in a life where my own moments of depression and middle-aged-angst are in the minority.

I hope every day to draw a step closer to it.

Blessings

Mama Kelly

Collected Poems, 1909-1962

trying to transform

a butterfly emerges

from a dark cocoon

- Mama Kelly March 2007

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This song came into my life in 1988 (?) (it was recorded in 1981) in the form of a mix tape made for me by a friend of a friend.  I lost touch with her when I broke up with my ex K. though I will always remember her kindness during that rough patch of my life.

I sang this song sitting around a campfire at a F.A.L.O. gather sometime in 1989 (?).

I have sung it under the moon more times than I can count.

It is still a song that stirs my soul 2 decades later.

Every Woman Born
by Ruth Barrett

Oh lady of the glowing moon
Oh maiden of the light
I know thee by a thousand names
Oh mistress of the night
And like a songbird in her hand
She has my heart in thrall
Setting me free to fly the sky
The mother of us all

Diana moves with strength and will
To bend the arrow’s bow
Sending it true into the heart
Of all I see and do
For she is every woman born
The mother of all life
We must remember who we are
We must take back the night

The Best of Pagan Song

Exercise for Identifying the Divine Self - to be read aloud each morning of every day.
From wiccan\spiritual training notes of Lady Rose, (1970s)

I have a body, but I am not a body. My body may find itself in different conditions of health or sickness, or in different conditions of joy and despair. My body maybe be rested or tired, but that has nothing to do with myself, the real I. I am not my body, my body is my instrument of experience and action in the outer world, but it is only an instrument.

I care for my body, I seek to keep it in good health, and treat it well, but it is not myself. I have a body, but I am not my body.

I have emotions, but I am not my emotions. These emotions are countless, contradictor and changing, yet I know I always remain, I, myself. In times of hope, despair; in joy or pain, in a state of irritation or calm, I remain I. As I can observe, understand, judge and increasingly dominate, direct and vitalize my emotions it is evident that they are not myself. I have emotions, but I am not my emotions.

I have desires, but I am not my desires. Desires are aroused by drives, physical and emotional, as well as influences from outside. Desires too are changeable and contradictory. They are affected by constant states of attraction and replusion, they are influenced by emotion. As I can see and judge these changing desires it becomes evident that they are not myself. I have desires, but I am not my desires.

I have an intellect, but I am not my intellect. My intellect is more or less developed and active. The intellect I have is undisciplined, but teachable. It is an organ of knowledge, dealing with things in the outer world as well as the inner world, but it is not myself. I have an intellect, but I am not my intellect.

I recognize and affirm that I am I, a center of pure consciousness, capable of mastering, directing and using all my emotions, desires, intellect and my physical body. I am I a center of pure consciousness. The I that I am is simple, unchanging, constant and self conscious. The I that I am is in harmony with the divine will of the Universe, which flows through me, directing my every thought and deed.

So mote it be.

Inspired by one of my favorite bloggers Fond of Snape, I share a list of 13 quotes from movies that I enjoy.  Your job, if you choose to accept it, is to try and guess the movies in the comments.  Once all the movies are guessed I will come back and fill-in the blanks.

* No Googling or using IMDB search functions.
* Leave your answer(s) in the comments.

1. “Sat in that jail, I sat in that jail til I felt like I’s bout to rot to death. I know what it like to wanna go somewhere and cain’t. I know what it like to wanna sing… and have it beat out ‘ya.” (Congrats to Lisa for guessing The Color Purple
2. “Sometimes it would stop raining long enough for the stars to come out… and then it was nice. It was like just before the sun goes to bed down on the bayou. There was always a million sparkles on the water” (Thanks Janet, you’re right this is from Forrest Gump)
3. ” I have been and always shall be your friend.” (Hooray Journeywoman … yes this was on both Star Trek I and II, though I was personally thinking of The Wrath of Khan when I chose it
4. “I have a hard time trusting people. I just never wanna jump unless I’m sure somebody’s gonna catch me. “
   “Oh, I’ll catch you. And if I miss for any reason, I’ll sit by your bedside and nurse you back to health.”
5. “It’ll be spring soon. And the orchards will be in blossom. And the birds will be nesting in the hazel thicket. And they’ll be sowing the summer barley in the lower fields… and eating the first of the strawberries with cream. Do you remember the taste of strawberries?” (Right again Janet, this is The Lord of the Rings - The Return of the King)
6. “I could have got more out. I could have got more. I don’t know. If I’d just… I could have got more …. If I’d made more money… I threw away so much money. You have no idea. If I’d just…” (Yes, Journeywoman this was from Schindler’s List a movie that moved me more than I can ever put into words)
7. “You’re the weak one. And you’ll never know love, or friendship. And I feel sorry for you.” (Kelly was the only one to get this one … Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
8. “Sometimes I think people don’t understand how lonely it is to be a kid, like you don’t matter.” 
9. “You humans are very curious to us. You invite us to live among you in an atmosphere of equality that we’ve never known before. You give us ownership of our own lives for the first time and you ask no more of us than you do of yourselves. I hope you understand how special your world is, how unique a people you humans are. Which is why it is all the more painful and confusing to us that so few of you seem capable of living up to the ideals you set for yourselves.”
10. “Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. This would be so much easier if I wasn’t COLOR-BLIND.” (gdaybloke guessed correctly, it’s Shrek)
11. “There are strange forces at work in your life. Magical ones that surround you. I don’t understand them, but they frighten me. You have given me my life. The truth is I can never repay you. I have no honor, and never will have. I don’t think you would kill me for being what I am, but better that than to return to Aquila.” (yes Journeywoman again! This is from Ladyhawke
12. “God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don’t need.” (a tie …. both Kelly and Laurie guessed this quote is from Fight Club)
13. ” I believe in a long prolonged derangement of the senses to attain the unknown… Although I live in the subconscious, our pale reason hides the infinite from us.”

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Part 1
7:16

Part 2
7:21

This was one of Miss Angst’s favorite meals back before her angsty days when I was a stay-at-home mom of a preschooler and an infant.  She was an incredibly picky eater and I was generally desperate for her to eat something, anything, that would provide nutritional value.

I came up with this idea in a moment of desperation and quickly found that not only did it meet my needs for a meal she would eat that was actually good for her, but that it was absolutely delicious.  In fact, during this period Hubby and I traded in nightly ice cream for this instead.

What you need:

1 ripe banana
1/4 cup fresh or canned fruit … diced, sliced, etc.
1/2 C granola (without raisins)
handful of dreid fruit *
4 heaping TBP of plain or vanilla yogurt
wheat germ
1 or 2 tsp of fruit only preserves or honey
(use honey w/ plain yogurt and the preserves w/ vanilla yogurt) **

Soften dried fruit by pouring boiling water over and allowing to sit until cool enough to avoid burns (this water can be set aside in freezer and added in place of other liquids when baking)

In a bowl slice one banana lengthwize
Top with half of the yogurt
Add granola
Add fresh or canned fruit
Top with remainder of yogurt
Sprinkle your softened raisins on top
Drizzle some preserves (or honey) over all.
Finally sprinkle with a touch of wheat germ.

This meal is so delicious that your child won’t even guess it’s good for them

Variations:
For a special treat add carob or chocolate chps on the top

* raisins, craisins, diced dried apples, dried blueberries, etc. and so on

** avoid honey in children under the age of 1

:: originally published on Epinions in April 2000 ::

3:00

This is not my house, nor is it Lady Rose’s house. I came upon this in my weekly youtube search. It is a brief video of someone showing off their altar and Goddess shrine in their new home. I just thought it was lovely and wanted to share.

Blessings

Mama Kelly